Where are the words?

I know they are there. I hear them, screaming inside of my head. I feel them, lingering on the tip of my tongue. And yet, my lips remain frozen.

Perhaps it's a good thing that my voice is gone. For if it wasn't, I fear that the words that would escape my mouth would create great havoc.

I am hurting. Grieving. Saddened and upset. I am angry, no...furious, with the actions of some and intentions of others.

I'll never understand the reasons behind the actions. I'll never comphrend how you can proclaim great love when your actions don't show it. And I'll never understand why the intentions must be only for your personal gain.

I've always struggled with the thought that I wasn't "good enough" through the years. As a daughter, a grand-daughter, a mother and a wife. I've been able to let go of some of those emotions over time but there are those that still remain.

I can't tell you the incredible amount of willpower and self control I had to force upon myself today. It goes hand in hand with the amount of heartbreak I felt.

I understand that the grieving process is different for every person. The fact remains; however, that we all grieve. Some more openly than others. Some seek more attention than comfort in their time of need. And yet, some put on a hell of a show for those who happen to be watching.

I will continue to pray. I know my thoughts are heard, my struggles are being handled and my heart will begin to heal.

I just hope I can hold my tongue long enough to let that all happen.

I have a very lengthy post about our loss but haven't had the time to get it posted in a politically correct way. I'll work on that.