My Purpose?

I'm posting this for a friend. I wrote it in June but never posted it. You're not alone, my friend. I know where you are at. Enjoy!

At times, I ask myself, "Who am I?" I know the obvious. I am a wife. I am a mother. But really, who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?

I am a wife. I have been committed to the same person for the last 16+ years. I have been married for almost 12 years. I have traveled the road of ups and downs as gracefully as I was able. I nurture my marriage. I am passionate. I am spontaneous. I am giving. I am accepting. I am forgiving.

I am a mother. I have been a mother for the last ten years. I have felt pain. I have felt sad, miserable, scared, alone, confined to bed, and resentful. I have also felt happy, proud, elated, blessed, taught, and amazed. My life has been given meaning. Surely it has.

But who am I? Surely my purpose here on Earth is bigger than just being a wife and a mother, isn't it? I try hard to find my path. I search for the path that I am meant to follow. I long to find my purpose that gives me such an incredible fufilling feeling within.

I love my husband. I love my children. But I want more. I want to feel valued and worthy. I want to feel that I'm making a difference. I want to feel self sustaining and feel that I'm contributing. How? When? What is my purpose?

I am more than a mom. I am blessed and thankful more than anyone knows that I am able to stay home to raise each of my children. However, I also feel a sense of loss. I am capable of more than wiping noses and changing diapers. I am capable of more than soothing an upset tummy and bandaging owies. I can handle fevers, teething, and ear infections. I can rock a crying child back to sleep after a nightmare or growing pains. I can cook dinner, give a bath, and read a story. I am raising children to be respectable, responsible people. I can even mend a broken heart. So why is it that I can't define what my purpose is?

Many have said that my purpose is before me. I am facing my purpose, head on. As much as I value and treasure being a mother, I also have a need to fufill. I need to be more. Do more. Feel more.

As I sit, surrounded by the warmth of the love I hold for my family, I think to myself. Someday, my purpose will be very clear. But for now, who am I?