Feeling a little better

I'm feeling a bit more at ease tonight. I decided to go outdoors after my previous post and spend some time in my gardens. It just so happened that Tim came home at the same time. Together, we decided to work on our back garden, getting it tilled up and planted. That particular garden is for our sweet corn. We ended up planting 15 rows of corn, about 160-170 seeds total. We plan to eat and freeze corn this summer. We planted four different types of sweet corn with four different harvesting times.

Tim went in to get ready for work and I moved to the east garden. I tilled it up with Jacob's help (for a few minutes, at least). I then raked most of it out, making sure I pulled any chopped up roots and weeds out. I couldn't finish it up because the storms quickly moved in. At least one garden was finished today! I also planted four bulb flowers (the name escapes me) in the flower garden near the shed. They looked pretty on the package, at least.

The weirdest thing happened tonight. I was sitting here, researching. The storms had moved through the area earlier and it appeared to be fairly calm outdoors. No lightening, no thunder but a light rain. All of a sudden, the biggest, brightest flash of white light shot before my eyes. I came from the right side and moved to the left side. Within a few seconds, the loudest crack of thunder followed. At that moment, my heart nearly stopped. I jumped up, unplugged some things, and before I knew it, Jacob came flying out of the bathroom. Apparently, he was tending to business when he saw the same thing. I started checking the walls for burn marks, thinking lightening struck our home. I am not sure what the heck that was...but it scared the snot out of me!!

I've had some very comforting emails sent my way. One in particular reminded me that I needed to stay strong and hold onto my faith. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not an extremely religious person. I am, however, spiritually strong. I won't go into the whole religion thing here but I just wanted to thank you, dear friend, for reminding me to stay focused, stay positive, and stay strong. I know that everything will be okay. I know that no matter what the outcome is, I am strong and I will prevail. As you said, I have a long time ahead of me before I can go "home."

Let me just say that I have not been given a diagnosis of Cancer. I have been given no diagnosis other than a uterine mass that is on the anterior side of the uterus and extends all the way through the uterine wall. (in addition to fibroids found on the posterior side of the uterus). This mass (or tumor, as they call it) is not round. It is not well defined. It is very vascular. It is, from my understanding, located behind the bladder but on/through the uterus. It is similar to the size of an egg and oblong. It is not similar in appearance to that of a fibroid or a cyst. Maybe that is what scares me the most. Well, in addition that they can't tell me whether or not it is cancer until after the surgery.

In any event, it could be malignant or it could be benign. I'm praying that it is benign. I ask you to pray for the same. However, until I have an actual diagnosis, I will fear the worst, pray for the best, and more than likely drive you all crazy. I have a 50/50 chance, right? Let's try to focus on the 50% chance that this is benign, shall we? (wink)

This is a reply that I sent along to a friend of mine today:
Prayers have been going up A-L-O-T!!! I know, ultimately, He is in control. I know that He will guide Dr. Bs hands, give him knowledge, and give me strength. I know that what is meant to be, will be. I know that it's all in His time and not mine. As much as I hate not having the control I want...I know that everything is falling into the place it needs to be. I have to remember to hand my fears and frusterations over to Him and allow Him to take care of it all. He will. He has. He knows. I need to trust.

I do believe that Dr. B is a great doctor with a wonderful skill. I know that even if this is malignant, that he has done the best for me. I have no doubts. I am thankful that I was able to get in to him as quickly as I did and that I was able to get my appt moved up and the surgery scheduled, all within a matter of 5 weeks or so. Really, that's quick!

I want to thank you for your thoughts, emails, phone calls and prayers today! I really do appreciate them.

Until next time...