Reflections of Jacob...

I sit here, surrounded by my family. I feel love, an abundance of love. I am proud, content, and complete.

Tonight, as our usual Saturday nights go, we mingled with friends while watching a movie. We enjoyed our take-out, referred our children, and sat by the fire taking comfort in it's warmth. Now, I sit here in the wee hours of the morning (1:30am), surrounded by my children and husband who are scattered about on our living room floor. Each has found the perfect spot to lay their heads, snuggle in their blanket, and drift off to sleep. And here...I sit...in the recliner....listening to the fireplace crackle and my husband snoring.

I've thought a great deal today about my children. As a parent, it's not uncommon to find yourself drifting off every now and then, thinking about what amazing, wonderful gifts you were blessed with. Today has been my day.

I'll share with you some of the things that have raced through my mind today about an amazing young man named Jacob.

He is growing up so quickly. His physical strength is astounding at times. He's helpful and thoughtful. He's strong-willed, just like his daddy. He's shy, yet adventerous and daring. He has a caring hand and loves to help with his siblings. He is so many wonderful things.

I have a hard time believing that my "baby" is soon to be ten. How did these ten years pass so quickly? I remember the first time I laid my eyes on him. I remember the joy in my heart, the love in my soul. What was I to do with this precious gift that I had been blessed with? Would I be a good mom? A good role model? Would I teach him right, guide him down the right paths, and be strong enough to stand firm when I needed to? I don't remember being frightened at the thought of being a parent. I think I was just frightened that I wouldn't be the perfect parent.

Jacob has grown up to be such a wonderful son. The past ten years have seemed to race by at a high rate of speed. I remember his first word, his first steps, his first tooth. Jacob and I spent a lot of time together watching my brother (who was almost 12) play baseball. We did so much together, just the two of us, since Daddy worked nights. Our days were filled with snuggles and cuddles with Daddy. We played in the dirt, took long walks, watched as he took his first bike ride. Then before we knew it, we were sending him off to school, putting our precious child in the hands of someone else. No longer were we able to be the sole teachers, instead that had become a team effort.

And now, here we are. Somehow, that perfect little boy has grown up into a stunning young man. I look at Jacob and he resembles his daddy. His hair, his smile, his attitude. He melts my heart, especially when he still comes to me for a giant hug, quick smooch on the cheek, and softly whispers, "I love you mom" in my ear...even in public! I am proud. My heart swells with pride and joy when I look at my soon to be 10 year old son. I wonder what the future holds for him. Will he find the love of his life, just as his parents did? What will he choose to do with his life? Will he be famous? Will he live a happy, healthy and productive life? So many questions...and so many fears.

So far, we have done it. Tim and I have provided a solid foundation for Jacob to build his life on. He is loved. He is safe. He is encouraged. He is amazing! We may not be the perfect parents but we sure have given it one hell of a shot. So tonight, as I watch him snuggled up on the floor laying side by side with his daddy, I shed a tear. My little boy is growing up.