Could you....Would you....?

Stop on over to Jessica's blog and leave her some encouragement during this difficult time? She's such a wonderful friend who is facing some of the hardest days ahead of her. She remains hospitalized, possibly until she delivers her daughter. She's in her 27th week now. Her two little boys and husband are 90 minutes away from her.

Jess and I have been close for a very long time. As Tim and I grew our family over the years, she witnessed the complications that filled my pregnancies and births. She was there for me through the times that I was on bed rest, hospitalized and away from my children. She offered her love, support and help whenever I needed it. Having been in her situation four times myself, I can relate to what she is having to endure. If you've ever been placed in the hospital, away from your family and friends, you can understand how overwhelming your emotions can become too.

The emotions you go through can rock you to the core. They can be brutal. They can be selfish. They can make you and others question your sanity. Depression can set in and you may begin to feel angry at everyone around you. You find yourself wanting visitors, but when they leave, anger and sadness washes over you because they left you, alone. The evenings are difficult as you lay there, alone. You begin to feel helpless and worry that your children will feel abandoned. You find yourself longing to be the one to feed, bathe and put your child to bed. You even start to miss the things you disliked doing such as dishes, laundry, and housework. The pain you feel deep in your heart when you know you must choose one child over the others is tough to handle. Having to stay in the hospital away from your other children who are at home, at grandma or grandpas or a friends isn't how things are suppose to go. We feel as if we have no control over anything anymore. We feel a sense of loss when we're not able to be up and moving like everyone else who has a "normal" pregnancy. You feel humiliated when you're refused the opportunity to bathe or use the bathroom unassisted. There's nothing enjoyable about being placed in the Trendelenburg position (head down, feet up). It can be embarrassing being told you must use a bedpan instead of the toilet, or having to receive a sponge bath instead of a shower. We begin to feel like a pin cushion and at times, violated as we endure all that we must to maintain the pregnancy and monitor the progress. It's normal to have feelings of guilt that wash over you as you lay in bed blaming your body for failing you. You feel as if your being held captive as you remain in your bed day after day, just waiting. Asking questions but receiving no definite answers becomes frustrating. Wanting to know when you can go home to your family but being told you're required to stay "a while" is difficult. You find yourself praying for the safety of your child, knowing that each day they remain inside is two less in a NICU, and moments later you find yourself just wishing you were done.

I found myself making bargains with God. "If I can be released and go home, I promise I won't do anything but stay in bed." He knew I couldn't do what I promised. Even though I was hurting mentally and physically, He had the plan in place to keep me and my child safe. Safely tucked away in an OB Special Care Unit where I could be taken care of around the clock.

So many people are quick to judge when they hear the word, bed rest. They think bed rest is the mother getting a break, a vacation, or being lazy. Many of them have never been on bed rest. What they don't understand is that if you're placed on bed rest, chances are you wish you were not. Nobody I have met, mentored, or supported through Sidelines has ever felt as if they were getting a break or on a vacation, myself included. It's exhausting mentally and physically. The things we do when faced with complications that could result in a premature birth are certainly not entertaining.

So please, stop on over to Jessica's page and send her some kind words.

With love,
Becky