Still Trying

I'm still trying to clear my head of the disappointing day I have endured. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm undeserving.

One thing I do know is that today, Mother's Day, was a day I was hoping would be about me. It wasn't.

I was treated to pancakes and sausage for breakfast. Of course, I purchased the items for breakfast the night before to make sure it was here. I was also able to get a nice long nap in while the hubs took the kids to his mothers.

Unfortunately, the day continued with me having to direct the children to clean up their messes, clean their rooms, do the chores, and stop bickering. I had to clean the kitchen up and do the dishes that were left from my "special" breakfast and lunch that I didn't eat. It was me who emptied trash cans. I am the one who has spent the entire day washing, folding and putting away load after load of laundry by myself while others ignored it and me. And now that it is 1:30 Monday morning, it is me who is still up doing laundry because I'm still hurt by the days events.

I was blessed with little tidbits made by my children however my husband couldn't take $3 and three minutes to buy me a card and/or flowers today. He could take the money out of my wallet; however, and go purchase those things for his mother. Nevermind the fact that earlier in the week he had plenty of time and money to purchase himself new shoes and socks but couldn't manage to stop by the store to get me a card. I don't ask for much. Make me a card if you don't have money. Offer a back rub if you don't know what to get me. Help me do the chores that I obviously don't want to do any more than you do. But to sit around most of the day watching TV and then ask why I'm going off in a pissed off rant, reminding me I don't have to "be like this," is going to get you nowhere!

So, yes, I'm bitter. Disappointed. Hurt. Frusterated. And so much more...

And you've done nothing to redeem yourself. Especially after taking the money I had in my wallet without telling me. Instead of me buying myself the icecream I wanted...I chose to buy you your dinner. Why? Because I was being nice. Oh, yeah. I bought myself dinner too. Because I felt I was at least worthy of a McDonald's value meal. Next time, I'll get myself the icecream too and forget your dinner.

Maybe I'll just forget today and hope tomorrow is a better one.

Goodnight

Happy Mother's Day

To each of you Mother's, Happy Mother's Day!

I had a post all written in my head but amidst the disappointing day I have had today, I've lost it. I don't even have the strength or patience to share what my day consisted of. Instead, I'll ask for prayers for my heart so that I can lose the frusteration that is inside it right now.

I also wanted to share with you a touching email message. Most of them spoke deeply to my heart. I encourage you to read each one slowly, completely and let it soak in before going to the next one.

May you all be blessed.
-Becky

I Believe... That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe... That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe... That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'

A great day and I've been tagged!

First and foremost, Happy Mothers Day to my Mother, my sisters, my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, my friends and to those who are lurking on this blog. I hope each of you had a fantastic Mothers Daw filled with many special memories.

I had a very productive day. I got up, dressed, and headed out for a few hours with a friend.


During our outing, we picked up our veggie seeds for the garden and then stopped for a nice lunch before heading home.

We took these next two photos at the inlaws house. What more could any mother ask for?






A few other wonderful photos from this weekend to share:



Jacob sitting on the tractor




Jonathon sitting with Jacob on the tractor

In other news...

My new blogging friend, Carrie, has "tagged" me. So, I now must fufill my cyber obligations and tell you all ten facts or interesting tid bits about me! If you're interested in checking out her blog (and to find yourself amazed at her talents, the beauty of her children, and the love and thoughtfulness of her husband) visit the link in my fellow blogger section under Barely Controlled Chaos. (my link isn't working here).

So, Carrie... Here are my ten facts:

1. I am a nail biter. Even at 30 years old, I still bite my nails. It's an awful habit but one that I have never been able to break (no pun intended). On the up side, I have no problem putting my contacts in.

2. I have a foot phobia. I literally shudder at the mere thought of having someone put their feet on me. I am okay with the foot of a child but an adult nearly pushes me over the edge. I am working through this issue though. A little over a year ago, I attended the birth of a sweet little boy as a doula for his mommy. During her labor she received great support including a foot rub from me.

3. I (are you ready for this) do not like chocolate! I will eat chocolate, IF it has other things in it but otherwise, I do not like it. (Ladies, are your hearts still ticking after that statement?)

4. I hate milk! I won't drink it at ALL! And a little side infomation, milk and I are like water and oil. We don't mix.

5. I am addicted to caffeine, in the form of Mt. Dew. I blame that on my loving husband. I never drank that until we started dating almost 16 years ago and now, I can't stop. It's literally how I function on most days.

6. This one time...at Band Camp.... (yes, we met at Band Camp) I knew, almost 16 years ago, that my then boyfriend would become my future husband. (Really, I did. Ask my friends who listened to me as they rolled their eyes) I also knew that together, we would have a large family. What I didn't know was how much my heart would grow over the course of our last 15+ years together. I have been blessed with five wonderful children and a loving, supportive husband. I am so very thankful for what I have been given in this life.

7. I could spend hours and hours on the internet researching pretty much anything. It drives my children and husband absolutely insane when they want to use the computer and I'm already on it. I suppose this means that another computer is needed in this household. Maybe....we'll see.

8. I have always been interested in medicine. I knew it was the career that I would be going into. I love almost all aspects of medicine but trauma, emergency medicine and labor and delivery are my areas of choice. Of course, the dying aspect can really take a toll on a person.

9. Being a strong spiritual person, I am not afraid of death. While it's not something I look forward to, it's not something that I am afraid of either. I have been with people as they have passed. And while it is incredibly heart wrenching it is also surrounded by a sense of peace. I also strongly believe that we come into this life surrounded by those that love us and that is the way that we should leave this world.

10. I love to connect with other people out in blog land. I find it interesting to see where people have gone and who they have become. I have connected with people I went to school with and never used to talk to. I have connected with complete strangers. I have connected to people who I knew of/about but had never chatted with them personally until we connected through eachothers blogs. Of course, I'm thankful to have found every single one of them. Through them, I have been touched deeply and have learned at least one thing.

That's all for now. Look tomorrow for a medical update on the ultrasound findings. Until next time...