A gain of forty

Seven years ago, my first born daughter was welcomed into our loving arms weighing a mere 4lb 6oz. Today, she is seven years old and weighs 44.6 pounds!

Happy 7th Birthday, Miss Katelyn!
We love you!
Mom & Dad

Your birthday post will be posted here tomorrow due to a technical glitch!

A wave of emotions

Eleven years ago, I was a very pregnant twenty year old, first time Mother. My toes and fingers looked like sausages. My legs and ankles were double their normal size. My belly, stretched to the limit, as it safely cradled my first born child. Little did I know that I would soon be hooked up to monitors and medications as we forced our son out of the safely of my womb and into this, at times, harsh world. Jacob, born June 3, 1997, weighed 6lb 9oz. Eleven years later, he's about 80 pounds heavier.

To read about what led up to Jacob's birth and his birth story, please visit this page.

Tonight, I sit here remembering the ride of parenthood I've been on over the past 11 years, my emotions wash over me. Bittersweet is one word that pretty much sums it up. Knowing that my son is just seven years away from graduation, being an adult, and could quite possibly chose to move out from under our wings, has my heart feeling sad, honored, humble, and very scared. So tonight, I'll spend some time remembering some of the wonderful things we've experienced together the past eleven years.

My handsome Son,
Tonight, as I sit here thinking about the past eleven years, tears stream down my face. You have changed my life in so many ways. I know you can't remember much of your early years. I, however, do. I remember the fear of the unknown. The uncertainty of being a young married couple of just 19 months and adding the pressures of parenthood on top of it. The anxiety of what I was about to have to go through and how it would change my life. I remember the crowd of people who gathered to be with Daddy and I while I was in labor. The several family members that joined us for your birth and shortly thereafter. I remember your Uncle Mike being there waiting to meet you, biting down on his first finger as I labored through contractions. I remember the look in his eyes the first time he saw your face. Eleven years later, Uncle Mike still doesn't have children of his own. Maybe watching you come into the world was enough to scare him out of fatherhood. (I hope not!! Since he just got engaged, maybe he's warming up to the idea of a little "Mike" running around)

I remember your Daddy's Niece, Lorene, meeting you the first time (and breaking her ankle while she was off chasing your Uncle Mike up and down the hospital stairs while I was in labor). Here she is, expecting her second baby boy just three days after your birthday. Daddy's other Niece, Wendi, is in the hospital today having her first baby. So many little ones born around the same day you were.

I remember feeling so proud knowing that your Daddy and I created such a handsome, healthy baby boy. You were perfect. I remember being honored that the Lord chose us to be your parents. We were so overjoyed.

I think back through the years and remember all of the things we used to do together. One of the memories that stands out is taking you to Uncle Mike's baseball games. I remember packing every single thing I thought we might need over the next two hours, cramming it all into a tiny Winnie the Pooh bag. Well, it actually was quite a large bag, just overstuffed with unnecessary items. Your playpen, toys, food and even the little bottles of lotion and baby wash went with us. Looking back, I laugh at how much I over prepared for our outings. I realize now that I had so much to learn.

Through the years, you were our only pride and joy. Just two months before your third birthday, you became a big brother. You have been a fantastic big brother over the years as you've watched us bring home your four siblings. You amaze me at how loving and nurturing you can be to them. Of course, sibling rivalry rears it's ugly head at times too.

The first day you started school was another life changing event in our lives. It was the first time we had to learn to let you go. Bit by bit, you have pulled away a little further from us. This past year, we have watched you enter middle school. The transition was been rocky at times. You're learning your own way, making many of your own choices, and dealing with the consequences that result from those choices. You've talked about classmates having girlfriends, had your heart broken when those who you called friends turned their backs to you, and have suffered hurt feelings after you've been picked on by others. With each passing year, you have grown and we, as parents, have grown too.

As we all travel on this journey and approach your teenage years, we strive to raise you to be a respectable, self sufficient, honorable young man. It has become obvious that you have a strong will to speak your mind as well as express just how much you know, that we don't. We want to encourage you to continue with your strong will and voice your thoughts as long as you remember to be respectful and understanding. While we won't always see eye to eye, you can always rely on us to love you unconditionally, forever.

So tonight, Jacob, my hopes are that you may have another year filled with wonderful memories that last a lifetime. I pray that you will always feel our love pouring over you. May you always know that you can come to us with anything, about anything, anytime.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for teaching us even more new things over the past year. Thank you for doing all the things you do that make us laugh, smile and even cry. You continue to amaze us each and every day. We love you, Jacob.

Happy 11th Birthday, Buddy.

Love,
Mom & Dad


** I just found this in one of my older journals:
Wednesday, April 20, 2005: I love it!! I just heard the kids playing (the boys) and Jacob said, "This is the fire truck that takes people to the hos-ti-ble"

Jonathon's First Year

(This entry is not complete...I'll finish it hopefully by this weekend)...

It all began...



















Taken Feb. 20, 2006 (almost 1 month old)




















AUGUST 2006:



SEPTEMBER 2006:


OCTOBER 2006:






NOVEMBER 2006:

Thankful for small miracles...

As I sat here this morning reading over the updates on Tricia, I couldn't help but weep as I was overcome with many emotions. To know, even a fraction, of what they will face in the NICU pulls at my heartstrings. However, to know the miracles they will witness, in addition to those they already have, is just as overwhelming. Please continue to pray for this new family of three.

As I said, reading through the start of their NICU journey brought my own personal journey with the NICU to the surface. If you've spent even one day hunched over, peering down into an isolette at the miracle you were given, then you know the emotions I'm referring to. The rollercoaster rides. The one step forward but two steps back routine. The desire to stay at their isolette 24/7 but the real physical need to eat, sleep, and spend time with your other children who are waiting at home. And these are just a few of the many many emotions faced by NICU parents. The one thing I'm certain each of us have in common is how thankful we are for the small miracles we were given.

When we decided to start our family, we never thought in a million years that we would experience any complications. We were healthy, active and young. I was certain I'd follow everyone elses footsteps and have the perfect pregnancy. Looking back, I giggle. I now know that every person, pregnancy, labor, delivery and baby is different. Oh, how much I have learned through my experiences.

My pregnancy with Jacob was very routine until the third trimester. He was my longest pregnancy. He was born three weeks early, healthy and able to come home with me. You can see his story here.

Austin was the start of terrifying pregnancy journeys. I haven't written his story yet for a few different reasons but I'm getting there. Although the pregnancy was full of complications, and he arrived five weeks early, he was healthy and able to come home with me as well. He was also our largest baby, born at 6lb 13oz.

Katelyn continued the trend of terrifying journeys. Hospitalizations, bedrest and medications had become the norm when we spoke of my pregnancies. After trying to sustain the pregnancy, my water broke seven weeks early. More hospitalization time and then the word that they were going to deliver. Arriving six weeks early, weighing a mere 4lb 6oz, Katelyn was born. She was also our first NICU baby.

My pregnancy with Emilee was quite a shock for us and more so for those around us. It was met with great hesitation from some, which is what we expected. Therefore, we decided not to share the news with those around us for a few several weeks. We had beaten the odds with the previous two high risk pregnancies. Many asked us why we would do it again knowing the risk we were taking. Looking back, I realize that sometimes the risk is worth taking. Wouldn't you agree? The previous trends continued with my pregnancy as they had with the others. Hospitalizations, a cerclage, medications, bedrest and we even added the terb pump and home monitors. My water broke nine weeks early and we were hospitalized once again. After a few days and receiving steriods, an amnio was performed. A uterine infection developed and delivery was a go. Miss Emilee was born eight weeks early, weighing slightly less than her sister, 4lb 4oz. She was my own 4x4. She was our second NICU baby.

Jonathon was the most surprising pregnancy for me, I think. I had started back to school, ready to pursue my career. Our family was complete, or so we had thought. Once again, the pregnancy followed a path similar to that of Emilee's. We opted for another cerclage, hopeful that it would allow us to carry a little closer to term. That didn't happen. My water broke seven weeks early. Jonathon was born via c-section weighing 5lb 1oz. He was our third NICU baby.

And since we know the old saying, Three strikes and you're out, we opted to be certain another pregnancy was not going to happen. I had my tubes tied during the section and 17 months later a hysterectomy. We're certain now that our family is complete. :)

When I remember the journey we took with each of our pregnancies I am reminded just how important Faith is. And I am thankful for the small miracles that I was able to witness.

My journey allowed me to grow in so many ways. I was able to grow spiritually as I had only Faith to hold me over at times. I was able to become more knowledgeable in the areas of pregnancy and preemies. I have been able to use my experiences as something positive for others who are going through something similar. After Austin's birth, I became a volunteer through Sidelines. I have had the honor of attending the labor and births of friends and family who wanted some extra support. I have learned that my true passion in life is to become a nurse who is able to help others and witness miracles along the way.

Now before I get any more sappy, I will end this by asking one simple thing.

Please continue to pray.

Much love,
-B

Announcing......

Happy 4th Birthday Emilee

From this


To this



Today is a very special day for our family. We celebrate our sweet little Emilee's fourth birthday! This is a special posting for me. Read back through our amazing journey of getting Emilee here. Be sure to look through all of these as there are photos at the end of the birth story. (note: This birth story is a copy of what we had written four years ago)


Here is a quick (or maybe not) highlight (or story) of how our 32 weeker, Emilee MiKayla came into the world.

Welcoming Miss Emilee MiKayla
Born on May 2, 2003 at 1:15 pm
Weighing 4lb 4.6oz and measuring 17 1/4 inches long.

Our story started many months ago...but one of the last few chapters began on Tuesday April 29, 2003. I was online at about 10:30pm and noticed what I thought was fluid leaking. I wasn't too concerned but was feeling mildly crampy. My contraction strip only showed a few (less than 4) contractions within the hour. I decided to go in the shower and see if that relieved my crampiness & backache. It didn't. I was in about 5 minutes before I found it hard to stand up in the shower and just wanted to rest. I got out of the shower and noticed some leaking as I picked up my clothes. I first thought it was from the shower...but then there was no more mistaking it. My water broke!
I finished getting dressed, went in the bedroom and stood by the bedside. I leaned over and kept asking dh if he was awake. Each time I'd ask, he'd look at me and his eyes opened wider and wider...yet he never spoke a word. I wasn't sure if he truly was awake or not. I asked him if he wanted to come with me to the hospital to make sure it wasn't my water that had broken...but that I was pretty sure that it was. He finally climbed out of bed, I called my mom & grandma and we loaded the kids into the van as we headed out in the darkness. It was about 11:45pm. We dropped the kids off at my Grandmas and headed out to the hospital that I had planned on delivering at. On the way there I felt a few mild contractions but I think it was more to being up and around than anything. We arrived at our hospital, was admitted, checked to be sure it was my water and then told that they would have to transport me to another facility that can handle premature (and possible ventilator) babies. If I had been 1-2 more weeks farther along, I wouldn't have been transferred. We finally agreed on the hospital of choice (they wanted to ship to one that was farther away than what we wanted). At 3am they loaded me into the ambulance and off we went.
We arrived at the other hospital and was admitted near the 4am hour. This was Wednesday April 30th. They told us upon arrival that they wouldn't stop my labor nor would they do anything to help it along either at this point. They wanted to do an amnio to check for an infection in the fluid and to check for Fetal Lung Maturity. They also ran the routine tests to make sure it was my water that had broken, a sterile spec exam to see how the cerclage was holding up & to check for dialation. They then prepped me for the amnio after doing an ultrasound. Once prepped they discovered that our lil girl had moved and that there wasn't a pocket of fluid to get to safely. They estimated a 30% chance that they could get fluid from one of the two pockets they found and combining that with the risk of going thru the placenta to get to it...they decided not to go ahead with the amnio at that time. Instead, I was put in the "heads down-feet up" position to keep what water I did have left inside. If I had to use the bathroom...I had to use a bedpan. After the first experience of that...I requested a cath. They attempted a total of 3 amnio's on Wednesday...each with no luck of finding a fluid pocket big enough. So, I was watched all Wednesday, continued on antibiotics, monitored and continued to stay "heads down". I was cathed and was on continous fetal monitoring. They also put me in the stockings that promote circulation (they pump up like a blood pressure cuff). I felt extremely restricted. I began having alot of lower stomach cramping, extremely tender lower abdomen & lower back and was treated with Nubaine every 3 hours. I was able to "sleep" the day away for the most part.
On Thursday, May 1, 2003 I woke up to the doctors and nurses greeting me. They had scheduled me to have an amnio done across the road by a perinatologist. "He can get blood from a stone", I was told. Now my anxiety was high just knowing that I was going to have it done. I knew it had to be done...but I was very afraid of the procedure itself. I was still having alot of the tenderness in the lower belly & back and they felt that it could be an indication of an infection going on that my body wasn't showing signs of yet (with a fever and such). My white counts were coming back normal. So, at 2pm were were off. We had the amnio about 2:30pm. They gave me a local however, Miss Emilee decided she'd move at the last minute so they ended up sticking the needle thru somewhere other than where the local was. They asked prior to doing it...asking me if I wanted to have another local or to just "do it". I just told them to do it and get it over with. After 5 tubes, they were done! It did hurt....but the answers were soon to be found. After the amnio, I was returned to my room, given meds for the pain and cramping and the cath & fetal monitors were removed! Ahhhh...relief! It felt so good to actually get up and move around a little bit without the restrictions of belts, straps, tubes, etc.
We waited, hour by hour...hoping to get the results back of the amnio. They told us that the results for infection should be back in about 1.5 hrs as well as the first test for fetal lung maturity. Finally, the first test for maturity came back....immature lungs! I felt the world fall around my feet. I knew that INSIDE was the right place for her...and I felt selfish for wanting her to be outside...but I was hurting SO badly and just wanted relief. It sounds selfish...I know. Again...we wait.
At 9:30pm on Thurday May 1, 2003 the doctor came in my room. I knew something was up because you don't typically see a doctor at that time of the night. He told me that the things they look at in the amniotic fluid to check for infections were looking to be all normal...until they looked at the white blood count. If it was over 30, they were alarmed. My count was 190. Combining that with the fetal lung maturity test (the LS ratio came back mature)...they felt it was best to induce my labor.
At 9:40pm, Thursday May 1, 2003 they started me on prostagladin suppositorities. After the first one disolved, I was able to get up & move around. I walked for less than 30 minutes and I was in so much pain I had to go lay down. I was 1cm. I finally asked for more meds and I was again given Nubain as needed (about every 3-4 hours). I had 3 prostaglandins and was moved to Labor & Delivery just prior to 9am on Friday May 2. By 9:15am, I had my epidural placed and felt so much comfort. I was 2-3 cm. I tried to sleep as much as I could during the next few hours. I did have her check me near the 11 0'clock hour and I was only a 3. About 12:30 I was a 3-4 and at 1pm I was 4-5 and 100% with a real stretchy cervix. She told me she'd go out and call the doctor, NICU team, and nurses and be right back. As she walked out...I felt Emilee move down and I told her it was time. She came back in and the whole crew arrived. They checked me at 1:10pm...I was complete and Emilee was near crowning.
Emilee was born at 1:15pm. Boy did she have some mature lungs on her . She was assessed with apgars of 9 and 9!!! I held her for about 1 minute and then they transported her to the NICU. She was placed on CPAP and of course, in an incubator.
As of today, May 3, 2003...Emilee MiKayla is doing well. She was taken off her O2 this morning and I was able to hold her for about an hour. She is doing well. They expect to continue her on antibiotics for the next week as well as gavage feedings for another week. She's developed jaundice (4.5-4.9 less than 24 hrs old) so they anticipate she'll be going on photo therapy tomorrow. Tonight, she weighed 4lb 4.9oz.
5-13-03 UPDATE::::: Miss Emilee was released to come home earlier than expected. She was released on May 10th weighing 4lb 4.9 oz. Two days later, she was 4 lb 5.0 oz. She's eating 35 ccs of EBM every 3 hours and all is fine with her. She's not on any type of meds, monitors or such...and it's heaven!!

For all of you...I've been praying that all is well. Congrats to those that delivered. For those facing the NICU...I'll pray that it doesn't happen. For those that have NICU babies...I'm here if you need an ear. It's an "awful" place to be, emotionally... Keep your chin held high, reach out to those around you and remember that you're in my as well as many others' prayers.
Blessings,
Becky



Absolutely tiny! Em is on Oxygen here. This was her first photo




Jacob's hands are seen in these photo's







Here is a photo of mommy & Jacob's hands cupping Em's tiny head






Happy Birthday, my sweet baby. You have provided me with so much joy over the past four years. You're beautiful, wonderful, amazing, and so many other things. We love you, lil angel.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy