What a difference

Six months ago, the children and I started over. With each passing month, we grew in ways we never thought we could. We worked through our grief in individual ways. There were tears, outbursts, anger, attitudes and emotional meltdowns along the way; however, no matter what we faced, we worked through it. The children and I learned that we really are not that different at all.

“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” -Colin Raye

The six of us have learned that our time together is limited. Whether it is playing outdoors, walking to the park or taking a bike ride, it is time spent together that we are able to make precious memories. Each day is a day passed that we are unable to get back. I am so thankful to have the time to spend with them, making memories and enjoying the little things.

We are all doing wonderfully. Jacob has turned 13. It is hard to believe that I'm the mother of a teenager. How does that happen? Jacob is completing his 7th grade year tomorrow. He has the attitude now to go along with his age. It's a difficult stage for both of us. Inside, I know that he is still grieving and processing everything that has happened this year. Unfortunately, he chooses to internalize many of his frustrations and disappointments which then causes him to lash out inappropriately. This will be a difficult process; however, we will make it through.

Austin is now 10. The year of double digits. He is completing his fourth grade year and is looking forward to the fifth grade. He has such a tender heart and it truly breaks my heart to see him hurting. He is learning each and everyday that life is not fair and no matter what we want, sometimes we just can't have it. He is still doing fantastic in school and really enjoys it. Some of his favorite subjects are Science and History.

Katelyn is 8, quickly approaching her 9th birthday. She will be finishing up her third grade year tomorrow. She absolutely loves school. Kate has started a book series and spends a great deal of time reading. Most recently, she's started playing school with her siblings. Unfortunately, she has been displaying some pretty intense moodswings lately. While she is trying to figure out how to stay in control of them, I am learning how to keep my sanity during her episodes.

Emilee is now 7. She will complete first grade tomorrow. Emilee has started to become more concerned with her hair, her clothes and her newest favorite, nail polish! She has started using the phone to call her friends and comes home with random phone numbers from time to time. It is such a joy to see her developing into a young lady. Unfortunately, she too has taken on some moodswings. I am certain that I will end up with extra grey hair from Emilee. She is a spit-fire, for sure.

Jonathon is 4. He's my little man. Each and everyday he brings great joy and laughter to my life. He has developed his own personality and lets it shine for all to see. He has recently moved from riding a tricycle to riding a two-wheeler with training wheels. He sure does think he's hot-stuff! He still has another year home before he will be attending school. I'm thankful for that extra time I will get to spend with him before he ventures off into big kid land.

As far as myself, I'm doing well. Everyday brings new things to learn from and adjust to. I am mid-way through my Medic program and am loving it. It's a great deal of work but I know in the end it will be so rewarding! I am focusing on myself in spirit, mind and body. In April, I ended up having my gallbladder removed unexpectedly. I'm still having some GI issues post-removal but the pain is substantially less than before. I've lost weight, several inches, changed nine pant-sizes and have picked up running. I'm overcoming what I thought six months ago was impossible.

Each day is a blessing. Each moment, a gift. Time spent with my children, irreplaceable. And so, my focus remains on them. It always has been and always will be!

What are you focused on?

~Blessings, my friends~

They're bloomin...

The kids, that is. They are growing like weeds! Here's a recent photo of them.

I'll post an update soon. For now, we are headed out for some fun in the sun! Have a great day!

Until next time...

Back in the swing of things...

The kids and I are starting to get back into the swing of things! It's now been five months since we started over and each day brings a bit more peace than the last. The kids are doing great! They are thriving and enjoying themselves as the school year begins to wind down. I, on the other hand, am in the second of three semesters of my paramedic program with no break in sight. All in all, life is good and we are very blessed.

Blessings to all,
-Me

July, already?

It's hard to believe that it's already the first week of July. It seems that the time has flown by these last few months.

Things are going okay. Busy, as usual.

The things on our plate seem to change often. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. The kids don't seem to be bothered by it, so I suppose that is a plus. Now if I could just quit finding grey hair, I'd be happy.

I haven't mastered the art of "letting things go" very easily. My stress level is surely way too high. I'm not sure that I know how to operate on anything less though.

I'm still in school. I feel like I'm making a career out of being a student. *sigh* I am debating on what path to follow for the fall but will soon have my mind made up and registered for classes.

I'm still in a summer class and have about three weeks left before I'm done with that. Next week I have to go in to give a speech. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate public speaking. Send me good thoughts. You know, the ones that help me to not be nervous!

I'm still working, a lot! I've put in to have my hours scaled back beginning mid August because I won't be able to keep up with everything if I don't.

As some may know, we have been looking for a different place to live. There isn't anything wrong with the location or house that we are in now. We just would like to find something that is ours instead of paying so much in rent every month to gain nothing. We've been hesitant to say anything, hoping not to get our hopes up or jinx ourselves; however, I think we may have found a place. We are suppose to go look at it Tuesday afternoon/evening. I will let everyone know what we find out, when we find anything out. It would involve us moving from our current town into another one about 15 miles away. It would put me closer to the ambulance and Tim farther from the Fire Department. Can we say conflict of interest. :)

Tim is still laid off from GM. He is suppose to return on Aug 10th. We shall see. That has been a nightmare that we can't seem to sort out or wake up from lately. I would like to go back to having a routine...and soon!

I ask that you send up some good thoughts for not only all of the changes that we are facing but also for our Niece. She is currently expecting her second child and we ask that you send up good thoughts that everything will turn out perfectly. She and her husband welcomed their first child, a precious Daughter, earlier this year. Sadly, she passed away. Please keep their family in your thoughts as they go through these next few months with great anticipation and some fear as well.

There really isn't much more to update everyone on. Emilee is learning to ride a "two wheeler" and can't decide if she likes it or not. The kids are playing outside from sun up until after dark. They love the outdoors.

The baby chicks have grown into grown chickens, well, and dinner. Quick story on that, Tim didn't think that anything would bother them. Needless to say, we are now six chickens short and a wild animal had a tasty dinner. Darn food chain!

Our gardens are doing great. We already have some of the crops coming on. Yum! I can't wait to have the fixings for a fresh salad!

We are gearing up for our yearly family camping trip. The kids are thrilled and I am, well, not. I'm ready for the break and ready to enjoy the time "away" but I am not looking forward to packing up everything to go. I'll survive though. I always do.

I hope that each of you enjoyed your holiday weekend. I spent mine working. Such is life, I suppose.

Keep in touch,
-Becky

Trying to play catch up...

I have a million things on my mind right now and no "mental composure" to put it all into a well written post. Please excuse my *attempt* at playing catch up!

I want to wish our very good friends a Happy Anniversary (June 6th). May they have many years of marital bliss and fond memories ahead of them. (Oh yeah, and may I be the proud new "aunt" in the near future too!)

In other news:

I am now the mother of a 12 year old! *gulp* How in the world that happened, I have NO clue. I do have a Birthday post started but like everything else in life right now, it's not finished! *sigh* Jacob turned 12 on June 3rd. Of course, he already thinks he knows everything. Boy, we are just getting started!

Tim has received the official paperwork for the GM buyout program. I can't really comment any further on that whole mess because we haven't had the time to really sit down and discuss everything in detail.

The children are now enrolled in a new school district, effective Fall 2009. It's a change for all of us and one that came with much distress. I truly believe it is needed but I'm just having a hard time letting go of our "ties" to those that we have come to know and the friendships I have formed with the teachers of our school district. I promise to keep in touch with them because they truly have made a huge impact in the lives of our children as well as my own. *Big shout out to Mrs. A*

Work is busy. I've picked up extra hours, been training on another job, and then have third rides starting up again at the ambulance base next week. I have three nights in a row there and am hoping to "get my feet wet".

I've been doing much research on schooling for myself and still trying to figure out where I need to be. I know that it will all work out, in time, but I'm having a hard time seeing the light that is supposedly at the end of the tunnel. Have you ever had a flashlight that flickers when you shake it just right? That's what it feels like. A flicker of hope, only to have it get real dim and go out. I keep shaking it, hoping for it to stay on and guide my way but it's not working. I'm thinking I need a new flash light (aka, a new goal or path).

In two weeks, my youngest sibling and only brother will be married! I'm still wondering how all of those years passed by so quickly. I am so excited for him and his bride-to-be. I remember those months leading up to my own wedding nearly 14 years ago (wow). I wish them nothing but pure marital bliss. I do admit that I'm anxious to be an Aunt again. If and when they decide to expand their family, I am sure I will be on cloud 9. It has been many years since I have had a niece or nephew to "spoil" and enjoy. Not that I don't love every-single-one of my nieces and nephews now but they are just a tad bit too big to be bouncing around on my knee! :)

I've been spending so much time lately reflecting on my life and those that have had an impact on it through the years. We recently laid to rest my grandfather and the tenth anniversary of my other grandfathers passing was just days earlier. My heart has been heavy and quite sad as I think about the loss of both of them. I look back through the years and see how the loss has impacted not only me but the other family members as well. For some, it affected them much more than they will every be able to see. It is one of the worst things we must go through, losing a loved one. In the end; however, we must move on. We must find a way to cope with our loss and deal with our grief. Our loved ones would want us to move on and live life to the fullest. Unfortunately, grief has taken a hold on some and they have become "paralyzed" in every aspect of their life. It is quite sad to witness.

I am going to make a better attempt at updating more often. For now, I must go. I will try to upload some photos of things we have been up to lately. It's been a while since I've shared any photos.

Stay safe,
Much Love & Friendship,
Becky

Knocked to our knees

Tonight, as I pray, You already know what lies on my heart. You already know the outcome of this situation. You already have a plan in place. You have known all along how difficult this road would become and yet You still chose us to be this childs parents. You have trusted us to raise and nuture them to the best of our ability. We need a little more help, Lord. We need Your guidance, Your direction, Your wisdom. Help us to chose the right path.

As parents, we expected that things would be difficult. We understood that there would be times that we would have to do things that would disappoint our children. So why is it that when that time comes, we agonize over it until the pain we feel emotionally becomes a true physical pain. A pain so deep within our chest that we feel like we are suffocating.

I'm not referring to something as "trivial" as a grounding or confiscating a favorite toy. I'm talking about something life changing. A true tough love situation. Something that you know deep within your heart could change your child. Something that has the potential to change them for the better or possibily for the worse. What do you do when your hands are tied.

This is what we are facing. I can't even begin to tell you how much my heart hurts right now. Real, physical pain. Raw, deep emotions. Knowing that it is our choice to make but unsure what choice is really for the best.

I can only hope that He gives us some guidance in making the right decision.

Happy Halloween (Pics)!

Here are the Halloween photos from this year! Jacob went with another friend this year for the first time. He also is very camera shy as is his brother, Austin. Therefore, most of the photos are of the girls. At least I was able to capture at least one photo of each child!! :)

Enjoy

Say Cheese!

The photos of the three younger kids are DONE! They have been uploaded over at Flickr.

Overall, the kids did a good job of letting Momma take their pictures. I didn't capture certain shots of them though because they were wanting to play rather than pose for me. :)

I'll update more later. For now, enjoy these:









































For more photos, visit our Flickr account.
Have a great night.

Enlighten me...

We beat it into their heads teach children to never place a plastic bag over their head as it is a suffication hazard. Yet, we try to encourage them to wear a giant monkey suit poncho in the middle of a downpour.

Does that make any sense at all?

This weekend, I had to convince the kids that it was okay to cover our heads with these giant pieces of plastic.

Even so, we still looked like drownded rats.

Check Jonathon out in his monkey suit poncho.



"Go Austin, GO!"

Not the greatest

This weekend will have a post of it's own but tonight, I just can't get the words to flow out as I need to.

Today (Sunday) I did manage to get the four older kids most of their school supplies. They were thrilled to be able to go get a few things that they picked out themselves. I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone, especially those of you with children of your own, but holy cow school shopping is expensive! They each were allowed two new pair of tennis shoes (which some of them needed BADLY). They each were allowed to pick a few shirts and the boys, one pair of jeans each. They still have some jeans in pretty good shape so I wasn't buying all new things!

Not only is it expensive, but it's quite shocking as well. Please tell me that I am not the only parent who takes their child into a shoe store, has the clerk give us the shoe size we need and realize that they are currently wearing at least a size and a half smaller than what they should be. Anyone? Anyone else have this problem? *sigh* Hand me the parent of the year award, please!

And to top it off, I think my children have been eating Miracle Gro over the summer. Jacob, who I was assuming (yes, I know what happens when you assume) would wear a 10/12 shirt tried on a size EIGHTEEN and it fit! Not just one either. Several! Austin, the same thing. He is up from a 6/7 or 7/8 to a 10/12. Good Grief! They both were allowed to pick out new skibbies. Apparently one likes boxers, the other likes boxer briefs. So long are the whitey tideys and character underwear! No more briefs for these boys. They're turning into young men. After all, they will both be wearing deodorant now. *sigh*

The girls, I was a little luckier. They both can wear the same tops, anywhere from 6, 6x, 7/8. And the bottoms, 4's, 5's, and 6's. Usually Katelyn is in a 5 or 6 with Emilee being at the lower end. However, I found size 5T outfits today for under $9 that they BOTH fit into. It just depends on the style I guess. The girls picked out new socks and Momma picked out a new panty/bra set for Katelyn (two of them) and Emilee (one of them). They are more "tank top" style for Em. It's not that they really need them...but I can see it being an issue of need with Katelyn before the year is up. I figure if she is showing interest in it now, I'll go along with it. Did I mention Daddy didn't want to know anything about the undergarments for the girls?

So, I'm just up messing around due to another night of insomonia. I've tried counting sheep but for some reason, the snoring I hear from the other side of the room interrupts me and I am forced to start over. Or, I'm up hearing every other departments radio traffic except the one that matters! You know, our fire department. I wish that pager kept the hubby up all night like it does me. Maybe then he would have a little more sympathy for me. *cough, cough* We also have a moaning, groaning horse dog who must shift his body twelve different ways before he can finally plop down and rest. And then, he starts snoring. (Yes, I'm serious!) Or, better yet, he starts dreaming and soon begins yelping and scratching his feet. Tie all that in with the fact that I'm having difficulties falling asleep as it is and you have a real good case of insomonia. Now I understand why my grandparents always slept in different rooms.

I'm hearing my little man crying so I'm going to sign off and go snuggle with him for a bit. Talk to you all later.

A whirlwind of a week

Does time ever stand still anymore? It seems that each day passes quicker than the day before. My mind is constantly reeling at what I need to do and my watch keeps reminding me that there isn't more than 24 hours in a day.

Today I sat down to do the bills. That always puts a damper on a good day. Expenses are neverending and with school quickly approaching for the kids, the list of needs keeps extending. I know that in time, things will all even out and we will be feeling less of a pinch on the budget. It's just frusterating when that pinch is there.

The kids are enjoying the beautiful outdoors. Pretty soon, it will be time to begin dinner and off to Football we will go. The weekends are very welcomed here in our household. It seems to be the only time we are able to sit for more than ten minutes. Of course, we are all adjusting to the new schedule that we are tackling this week. In time, I'm sure it will all level out.

I've started classes again this week. I'm finding them to be not as stressful as I thought. Well, after I dropped the humanities class I was going to take. The syllabus was enough to send my head spinning and force steam out of my ears. There was so much information to digest in a subject that was completely Greek to me. Knowing that my plate was already heaping, I decided to drop the class and save myself the headache. At least, for this semester.

The next month is going to be filled with me having my nose stuffed in books, studying in order to take a series of tests that are required for the entrance of the program, and the start of the EMT program. Somedays I'm freaking out over it all and others, I feel completely at ease with it all. Time will tell just how I do!

I must go coordinate the house chores now. I won't be able to share all the photos I wanted to right now but if you click on them, they will take you to the rest of the pictures we've uploaded. Until next time, enjoy these pictures.


What a sunny day!!


That's not how we drink our juice!
He's spitting it out!!

Jacob during his group photo


Jonathon with Jacob during a
water break at football practice.


Austin waiting to have his group photos
taken. He sure looks happy, LOL


Ohhhh No! Here he goes....

No worries! He was okay!

Prayers needed & Photos!

Today has been an exhausting day thus far. Neither of us slept well last night even though we were exhausted! We were up early, had a family reunion and then went to help with a move. By the time we came home, everyone was crabby and needed a nap. Unfortunately, naps were not an option today since tomorrow Daddy starts his new hours and we were trying to get ready for that. Since there's not much else to post...

Here are some photos from today at the park. I really do take photos of all my children. The older they get though, the quicker they are to dodge the camera. It must be that they get this particular trait from their momma! Enjoy!!

I love how he's looking away. The fingers wrapped tightly around the chain are precious too.

Miss Katelyn on top of the playscape.

Emilee, Jonathon & Katelyn swinging away.

Look at that face! Can't you hear the squeal he let out?

Little fingers again!!

Just taking a little break, Momma.

The sun was shining just right!

"I do it Momma!" Silly little man.

Looking way up high at his sisters!

Showing us what a big boy he is.

And last but not least...here is one of the whole crew!



And if you think of it, could you please send up some prayers for a family that needs them tonight. For privacy reasons, I'm unable to share anything further. Just know that prayers and good thoughts are very important tonight for this particular person and their family.

Thanks a bunch!