What do you get when...

You have one toilet and three boys who have full bladders?

Give up?

As much as I'd like to say I heard this joke from someone else, I can't. This evening, my nephew is over. After sending the boys to bed, I started hearing some ruckus. I went upstairs to see what was going on when I was met by three very guilty looking boys.

And then, the stare began. Me at them. Them at me. Back and forth, their eyes darted. Who was going to be the one to tell me what was going on.

Stepping forward was Austin who exclaimed, "Mom, the boys peed on me!" Stunned, and shaking my head side to side, I asked him to repeat himself. Again, he said, "Mom, the boys peed on me!" As quick as he could repeat his statement, denials came flying from the other two boys' mouths.

In the end, I had to remind them that it doesn't matter how many boys have to use the bathroom. There is a limit of one boy per bathroom rule. Surely, if one boy can't use the restroom without spraying the tank, floor, wall or seat making a mess, neither can three boys!

So, the answer to my question is... a wet leg!

Apparently the two boys on the outside tried to look away and miscalculated their aim. In turn, the boy in the middle (Austin) ended up with a wet leg!

The Big Gulp!

Note to self: Always make a fresh pitcher of juice if you want to be certain there are no floaters left behind from some little monkey!

The kids had poured juice into cups and forgot to put the pitcher away. Jonathon, impatient like his mother, helped himself to a drink. Thank goodness it was white grape juice because he wore half of it. Silly boy!

Good Afternoon

Have you been outside today? I don't know about where you are but the humidity is quite high here today. The air is so muggy that it's difficult to breathe, let alone do anything outdoors that requires physical strength. Blah!

We just finished up lunch and the kids are getting their things around to leave. We will be heading over to the new house, taking dimensions of the flower gardens and mowing a path around the barn to the wood pile so we know where we're driving.

Jonathon just came to me and said, "Shoes, Help!" He is such a little ham right now. I wonder if my own mother ever thought I was this cute! *smile* He is just so entertaining right now. After lunch, he was playing with this toy that you pressed a button and this propeller type thing went round and round. He would put it as close to his face as he could without hitting himself. He'd do it over and over again until his little eyes crossed. We couldn't help but laugh.

I guess that's my time for this afternoon. The kids are calling to go outdoors now. I guess I'll grab my water bottle and head for the truck.

I'll check in later,
-B

Chatter Box

So I realize I've done alot of "chattering" lately after a long string of no posts. :) I guess I was being lazy having writers block.

This weekend was a interesting weekend, to say the least.

Friday, our normal plans were a bust due to weather. Instead we decided we'd celebrate with our friends on their 10th anniversary! Double Digits. Woooo hoo! Congratulations to them...and may you experience many more.

Unfortunately, the weather moved in quickly and took out our power. We (women) came home and rescued the sitter before the kids could freak out. Then Tim ended up on fire calls for the next few hours. Finally about 9:30pm, we had moved the kids to the other couple's house and decided to head to Red Lobster to celebrate. All I can say is the husbands boys were not on their best behavior. The poor waitress (who was a good 20 years older than us) rolled with their hormonal, teenage boy talk chattering and even gave us a few good laughs too! It's a good thing they put us back in the far corner, alone. After a nice very large Strawberry Lobsterita, we headed home. We were still without power with a restoration of 4pm on Saturday.

Saturday, the power came back unexpectedly around 5:30am. We woke up and started getting ready for Jacob's birthday party. The kids had a great time. It was a day filled with ten children, four adults, many laughs, a cake fight, a hose fight (between two moms), burgers, hotdogs, chips, and lots of fluids. And of course, a few pretty bad sunburns even after applying lots of SPF 50 sunscreen. (Needless to say, I ended up buying SPF 70 for now on) The evening ended up bringing more storms but we kept our power. Unfortunately, one of Jacob's guests had to leave early since he wasn't feeling well. He arrived home only to vomit all over! Poor Guy. In the middle of the night, Emilee started throwing up too. I'm pretty sure it was from too much sun mixed with a bit of dehydration.

Sunday was filled with more playing and a few slow-moving adults who were tired from the weekend fun. Errands were run, kids filled the yard, and storms rolled in again in the afternoon causing us to lose power once again. *sigh* We had it back on in the early evening though, thank goodness!

Monday, Jacob was miserable. He had the worst burn I've ever seen on one of my kids. He wasn't blistered or peeling so we kept applying topical sprays and aloe. Nothing seemed to work, he said.

Tuesday, was a good friends 32 birthday! Happy Birthday, Damon! Hope it was a good one. It was also the day another Great-Nephew was born!

Jacob also called home from school again. This time, he said he wanted to come home. He said his skin was falling off. I told him I'd go down and look at it and then decide. Needless to say, he came home. He said some kids were poking at his burn and pushed skin right off. The school put two bandaids on it, which then ended up peeling a huge section of skin off his shoulder, leaving it very raw and sore. I tried several things to help him. Nothing was working. I read up on various treatments via the internet and found that a zinc oxide works well (found in desitin). I remembered when Jonathon was in the RNICU and had a horrible diaper rash that nothing would cure. They called down for this skin paste and I still had it. It had 20% zinc rather than the 11.4% of butt ointment. So, I used that on his shoulders last night along with a cool shower, cool compresses and motrin. This morning, he said it felt better but was still open, oozing and very sore. He had a field trip today so we put no-stick pads on the area and wrapped him up so his shirt wouldn't rub on it today. I hope he does well through the day! So far, no phone calls.

And here we are, Wednesday. The kids have a 1/2 day of school tomorrow and Friday and they are done for the summer.

I'll check in again later, I'm sure. I hope you are all enjoying your week.

Children, rain & rubbers!

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby, so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, “Children are a gift from God,” he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, “Rain is also a gift from God.........but when we get too much, we wear rubbers.”

And the congregation said, “Amen.”




Borrowed from Dora to provide you some laughter.

Blind Man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man." replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want these blinds?"



Borrowed from Dora to provide you some laughter.

Should have known better...

I was sitting in the family room, looking over some papers, when I suddenly realized it had been awfully quiet. I placed my items aside and headed up the stairs. I heard laughter as I reached the top step. I felt relieved, laughter is better than silence, I thought to myself. I rounded the corner to find out what was so funny. Imagine my surprise when I found my little artist creating his very own masterpiece.

With this


He was so proud. That is, until he saw Momma standing before him with her jaw on the floor, her eyes popping out of her head, and steam escaping out of her ears.

He smiled a big toothy grin, turned and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

My head was ready to pop off. Visions flashed before my eyes of colored footprints across our livingroom carpet, which just happens to be a light tan. Do I chase him? Follow him? Turn around and run the other direction, hoping to catch him before he makes it to the carpet? What is a mother to do?

Instinct kicked in. I chased him. As he squealed and giggled, I couldn't help but think about how this moment would be one I would blog about. One of those moments that is gut-busting funny, that is, when it's not your child, at your house, running across your carpet with these feet and touching everything along the way with these hands!


He was captured! With a firm grasp on his overall straps, I lifted him and his colorful little feet up off my carpet. I marched him back to the kitchen.


Then I did what every other smart parent would do. I called for one of the other kids to go grab my camera! Afterall, this was one of those moments that would cause everyone else to laugh until tears streamed down their cheeks. I couldn't deprive you all of a moment like this now could I?

After his photo shoot, Jacob carried Jonathon to the shower while I cleaned up his artwork. By the way, the walls are stained. Everywhere else came clean, (I think).

Maybe this is paybacks for not coloring Easter eggs this year with the kids...
And to think I laughed at my friend when her son decided to decorate the house with baking soda, eggs and salt (for snow)......

I'm exhausted and the terror is still up thanks to a late nap!

Anyone want a two year old for the week? Anyone? Anyone.... *sigh*

Gotta run, he's found his sisters lip gloss!

Beauty and the Breasts

Last night, during a quick trip to the grocery store, my husband decided to pick up the current copy of People Magazine.

Do you see why he purchased it?
And what he failed to see?

After teasing him a bit about why he bought the book, I started thumbing through it with two other friends. About midway through the book, it finally dawned on me that I haven't been able to read a single word in this book. I flipped the book closed and saw why.

Apparently Tim was so into the breasts on the front cover that he overlooked the fact that this copy was EN ESPANOL.

Now what was our (my two friends and I) excuse for not noticing this very same thing?

Apparently, it's all about the breasts!

Given a kernel

So, have you ever thought or said something that may not be particularly appropriate but you still thought it anyways? Well, I have. I'll admit it.

Like today, in the shower. My son picks up this plastic fake food ear of corn, holds it to his boyhood area and starts hissing as if he's urinating.

My first thought: Given a kernel yet longs for an ear.

Or how about the time that good 'ol Uncle D told the kids that a particular fast food joint adds sawdust as a filler to their burgers. And when our son requested to go there even after I reminded him of the claim. Yet, he still insisted.

My first thought: Eating wood won't make wood grow any longer.

Yeah, not particularly appropriate... But worth a chuckle. *sigh*

Your First Christmas Card

Scroll down and you'll see Santa's willy!

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For God's sake.........Act your age.... there is no Santa............

Just in time for Finals

THE 6 BEST SMART ANSWERS OF 2006


SMART ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."

SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-a** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Where's the Beef?

Just before lunch time, Emilee and Jonathon were gathered around the kitchen table eating chocolate chips. I know, I'm trying to take that Mother of the Week Award from Carrie! As I sat here typing away I hear Emilee say, Mom there's a cow! Knowing that Dusty (our 115 pound chocolate moose lab) was sniffing around trying to grab a chocolate chip or two for himself, I assumed Emilee was referring to our very own cow over-grown dog. I even told her, "Em, Dusty is a dog, silly. Not a cow." Again she said, "Um Mom, there is a cow at our house!" I chalked it up to her just being a silly little girl. That is, until I turned and saw these staring back at me from our sliding glass doors! Obviously this isn't the photo that shows them at the edge of our deck but you get the idea.

Em: Mom, we need to call the cow man!
Me: The cow man?
Em: Yes! Those cows don't live here. (she starts hissing at them through the slider door)
Me: Honey, they just got out of their pen from one of the neighbors. They are lost. (As I try to figure out who near us has cows)
Em: You need to call Daddy right now.
Me: What will daddy do?
Em: Those cows are dangerous. Daddy needs to shoot them. He can shoot the big one and Uncle Damon can shoot the little one. (As she continues to hiss at them)

After a while, the pair became bored of Emilee hissing at them, Dusty barking his silly head off at them and me taking photos of them like they were famous celeberties. And so, they scooted out back to run by the pond for a bit. Then, it was off into the woods to see who else they could startle today. I imagine the hunters out there looking for horns may have gotten more than they bargained for if they shot first and looked later.

UPDATE: Apparently, our friendly cows missed us. They decided to show up here again at 3:00pm in our back yard.
After a little prodding, chasing, and cornering we were able to successfully place them back in a pen down the road. Whether or not they belong in that pen or even at that house is yet to be known as the homeowners were not home. However, between us and our other neighbor who helped us, we believe we placed the beef in the proper place.

That's Cold!

For those of you that live where it is warm, I envy you! It is downright chilly here in the good 'ol state of Michigan. The weather forecast for the next few days confirms the fact that we have been very lucky to have had such mild weather this long. And as always, luck must run out. This is the time!

Tonight, I have the fireplace burning and the house is toasty warm. Actually, a bit too warm. For the majority of the winter, we will burn wood in the fireplace to avoid the outrageous price of propane. It has cut the bill down around 60-70%. We even go a step further by shrink wrapping the windows from the inside to limit the cold drafts that seem to seep in around these old, worn out windows. Of course, not all windows are wrapped but the picture window and the windows in the kids' rooms (will be tomorrow). We buy the wrap that is clear to look through and then watch the unsuspecting souls try to peek their heads into the opening of the bay window only to have their face squish up against the plastic. It's pretty comical, actually! That is, until it happens to you. You see, I've already wrapped the big picture bay window in the front room. As I was putting on the finishing touches, I went to prop my elbow up on the window seat. Unfortunately, I was met by a plastic barrier along the way and fell like a ton of bricks to the floor. Hard! It was not a very graceful landing. The force of me crashing to the floor jammed my shoulder pretty good causing me some aches and pain for a few days. I'm just thankful there was nobody there to witness my gracefulness.

So, with the cold temps quickly moving in, the reality that the Holiday season is upon us is undeniable. I have cards to finish, parties to plan, presents to buy and of course, goodies to make. The kids need to prepare their Christmas lists and I need to remember where I planted that darn money tree at. Does anyone have an extra or two growing in their yard?

Today, I began some Christmas shopping. I've shared with some of you already a little secret that I have. When Katelyn was two, I started a "tradition" for the kids. I decided that I would create a little dress up box for them. Of course, after going to shop for those cute, frilly, overly priced dress up dresses, I suddenly started to second guess my tradition. And then, it hit me.

Halloween costumes!

Yes, that's right! I wait until after Halloween and hit all of the clearance racks. However, not until they hit 50% off. At 50% off, I will only buy something that I know won't last until the next mark down. Otherwise, I wait until it hits 75% or 90% off at Target, Walmart, or other local retailers. I buy anything that I think the kids will enjoy. Costumes, accessories, socks, shoes, etc. I also buy candy and use it for the kids' Christmas Stockings.

And so, today, I scored big! I was able to get the girls at LEAST a dozen dress up outfits (I'm sure more). We even got a couple for Austin & Jonathon (boys like to play Army guy, Monster, Firefighter, Race car Driver, etc.) I was so happy to have found some of the cutest little costumes for them to enjoy.

The dress up box is a huge hit here at the house. Every child that comes over falls in love with it. It provides hours upon hours of entertainment for all children. I'm serious when I say that the dress up box is the most played with "toy" in our house besides stuffed animals (they play zoo), hot wheels (they are race cars), trucks (they are firetrucks) and tractors (yep, red-neck tractor pullers!!). It even beats out baby dolls and play kitchen sets.

Do you have any Holiday Traditions that you do? Please share. I'd love to hear!!

Look out for that hose....!!

I have a funny story to share with you but have had a hard time trying to put the words down in a P.C. way that won't offend those of you who are reading along. So, I'll do my best but remember, I warned you! (snicker)

First, I'll share a short dream that I had in the wee hours of this morning: Early this morning, I was dreaming that I was sleeping and Tim came home early from work. I heard him come down the hallway because I heard his pager going off for a call. Then suddenly, the tones dropped for real, waking us both out of a dead sleep. It wasn't a good call to wake to. I hate that!

And, now for the good one...

Last night, everyone but myself fell asleep out of pure exhaustion. It had been a few hours so I suspected everyone was in a deep sleep. Knowing how much of a deep sleeper my husband is, I thought I'd mess with him a little bit. Now you need a G-rated visual to get the scene started. He had fallen asleep with his clothes on (shorts) and was sound asleep on the couch with his legs propped up over the end of the arm. I contemplated what I could do to make him freak out. I know, I'm such a meanie. And then, it hit me.

Tim really hates spiders. And so, I began to look for something that would feel like a spider crawling up his leg. I found nothing and instead decided to just use my fingers. I started at his ankle and "walked" my fingers up his leg...(and well, you get the picture there). His breathing became faster and he started to get a bit antsy. I started wondering just what he was dreaming about! All of a sudden, he is near hysteria. He's still sleeping but he is giggling like a school girl almost to the point of crying and really starting to wiggle around. And then, he woke up. And giggled....and giggled...and giggled. I asked him what he was doing, as if I had just walked in on his little giggle-fest. He promptly told me he was not telling me about the dream he just had. Umm hmmmm...so what WAS the dream about? He later told me. And we have laughed about it all day long.

Apparently, he was in the tanker on the way to a fire when he saw a billboard on fire. They stopped and decided they needed to put it out. He grabbed the hose which had no nozzle. (If you've ever held the end of a fire hose, you know that the nozzle is quite heavy) So, he had the nozzle-less hose and the engineer started the pump. Of course, the pressure was too high which sent the hose out of control and right up Tim's pant leg. And so, the whole time he was giggling and throwing a fit, he was trying to escape from the killer fire hose. And guess who was winning? The fire hose. He said that no matter what he did, he couldn't get away from it. He said in his dream he was jumping around, squealing and screaming. Too funny!

Isn't it crazy what our mind will do to us? Do you guys have any weird dreams like that?

Such Innocence

We captured these conversations this afternoon:

Em (4) This is Grandpa's road.

Daddy: Yep, we just went by Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Em: Why didn't you stop?

Daddy: They are not home honey. They went up north.

Em: You mean they died?

Daddy: No! They went up NORTH, not up to Heaven!

Then Tonight, while talking about Tim's work with my nephew (7) and daughter, Emilee (4):

C: Is Uncle Tim working at the Fire Place tonight?

Me: Nope, he's building cars.

C: You mean, he's working for that place that striked him?

Emilee: UmmmHummm, he is! (butting in like she knows everything!)

Me: Yes C, he is working there tonight.

C: But why would he want to work for them when they strike him?

Me: Well, because that's what he has to do.

C: Are they allowed to strike their own people?

Emilee: UmmHummm, My dad is always stripping people too!

(oh, REALLY?)

Priceless! JUST Priceless!

Did they ever find Ed?

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for him.

I hope this at least made you smile today! Until next time...

When it rains...it pours!

The morning started off, as usual, with a 6 o'clock wake up call. Yawn. Stretch. Debate on whether to hit snooze or not. I got up, shut the alarm off, and went about the morning routine of getting five children up, dressed, fed...well, you get the picture. I sent them out the door, running to a waiting bus that was fourteen minutes early today! Argh! The time they gave for a pick up time has been getting earlier and earlier each day. This morning, it was 7:09am, four minutes earlier than yesterdays ten-minute-early pickup! Now, fourteen minutes really isn't all that early. That is, unless you're trying to get five school aged children out the door with all of their belongings in tow. So far, we've achieved it. But if that bus gets here any earlier next week, I have a feeling we may be hopping in the make shift bus van and taking the kids to school ourselves myself.

My morning continued by trying to catch a 45 minute cat nap before heading to class. Unfortunately, my passenger overslept and we ended up being late. We finally made it! We had a great study session and then headed home.

It was raining so hard on the ride home. We took it slow when we would get caught in the middle of a sudden down pour. It was so bad that you could hardly see the person in front of you. At one point, I put the flashers on just to avoid getting rear ended (or at least hoping it would prevent it). And then...it happened.

When it rains...it pours! And pours...and pours...and pours.
I reduce my speed. Watch as I see we are within a mile of an exit. And suddenly, my wipers stop in mid swipe. Now let me tell you, that can make for quite an interesting ride when you have non-working window wipers! And to think that we were still about 15 miles from home!!

Breakfast at McD's because your friend is running late $4
Giving the thirsty gas tank a drink since you're still waiting $20
Making memories with your friend as we joke about needing to lean out the window and hold an umbrella over the windshield to increase visibility during torrential down pours: Priceless!

I am so glad that I had a friend with me to share in the excitement, laughs, and a little bit of fear.

On a side note, I thought the wiper motor had gone out but it was actually something else. There was a little pin that was suppose to be inside this hole. Somehow, it popped out. How, we aren't sure. Especially since it took a bit of force to put it back in the hole. But, it's fixed and we didn't have to go purchase a wiper motor at the cost of $87 plus a $35 core charge!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

Toad-ally Cool

I was shutting the front door, closing up the house to go to bed, when something caught my eye. I thought it was my imagination until I looked under my coffee table to see a toad. Yes, a living, breathing, hopping toad. In. My. House.

I recruited Jacob as the "toad catcher" since I am old, move much slower than he does, and didn't want to look silly as I chased this toad around my livingroom am pretty tired tonight and didn't have the energy to "toad chase." Jacob, joined by his cousin Sam, dove into action. Jacob was under the coffee table going for the capture when Mr. Toad hopped to the left. The sudden movement scared Jacob so bad he jerked his head up, smacking it on the under side of the table. Sam dove to the side, cutting Mr. Toad off before he could escape behind the huge entertainment center that takes an army to move. Mr. Toad hopped to the right...and a bit further...right inside a pile of shoes by the front door. Being the gracious host that I am, I decided to open the front door and show my guest, Mr. Toad, out. And sure enough, he took my cue. He hopped right over to the door, out onto the steps and off into the night.

The kids thought this was toad-ally cool but I think not. At least it wasn't a snake or a bat. On that note, I'd welcome a toad in anytime!

Have a great night...without unexpected visitors!

My very own show...

So, with two weeks left until I can no longer use those wonderful feminine products called Tampons, I thought I would invite you to my Tampon Craft Show.

Our crafts are offered in all types and for all occassions. They also have a variety of items for the men as well as the women. There's nothing to be ashamed of men...they're only a cylinder shaped wad of cotton on a string.

So, if you're wondering just what kind of crafts you could make for your next craft show, birthday, or holiday gift, take a look at: www.tamponcrafts.com

And tell me, what's your personal favorite?

For the men, I find the Tampon Blowgun quite amazing. I can just see my dear husband and boys out in the back yard having target practice.

And how about the Heart Earrings for those special ladies in your life. Truly unique. I'm sure she'd love you forever!!