Just breathe

It is taking every ounce of strength I have but for now, I will just breathe.

To say this year has been one of the most difficult ones yet would be an understatement. I feel as though we have been thrown under the bus only to have it stop directly on top of us...and park! Our marriage continues to be tested, our lives continue to change and our stress continues to build.

This year we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. I have never been superstitious about the unlucky number 13...until now.

For now, I will focus on the one thing that can't be taken from us. At least, can't be taken the way everything else in our lives has been the past six months.

Tonight, I will focus on my incredibly loving, hard-working, strong husband, our five precious young children and the fact that the Lord will continue to hold us in the palm of his hand as we wait for His plan to unfold.

Tonight, tomorrow and for the stressful days that lie ahead, I will just breathe.

One moment at a time...

I had a post all written in my head. I was going to come here simply to do nothing other than complain about how my unruly children would not go to bed. I was so frusterated that I was just about ready to put a wanted ad out on Freecycle asking for some patience.

At one point, I laid down with them, hopeful that they would crash with me by their side. As soon as I thought Jonathon was about to doze off, he'd turn to me and start talking. "Momma, tractor putt putt putt." "Momma, play Chandler." "Momma, see train." "Momma, where's Jake?" "Momma, Katewin naughty?" "Momma, Momma, Momma." Yes, adorable conversations to have with my two year old (is that possible?) but not when it's past midnight! After the third hour had passed and the kids were still awake, I turned my head up and begged for help. "Please Lord, Please let them fall asleep." And then, I started singing. I do that when I feel overwhelmed.

You see, I wanted quiet. I wanted to do the things that needed done for college. I wanted to surf the internet. I wanted to update my blog and tinker with the photos I took today. All the things I wanted to do just couldn't be done with the kids awake and bouncing off the walls.

A few minutes passed and I looked over to see Emilee sleeping. I turned to my right and saw that Katelyn had joined her. And there at my feet, I felt these tiny little hands rubbing my leg. It was Jonathon. And then, it hit me. It's not about what I want. It's about what they want. What they need. What I have to give them every single time they want it. They wanted Momma. Momma's love. Momma's arms holding them tight. Momma's kisses smothering their foreheads. Momma's voice singing them to sleep.

I pushed the keyboard away, shut my binder and bent down to pick up my handsome son. I held him, much like the first time I was able to hold him. I rubbed his head, patted his bottom, rocked him as I rocked side to side as most mothers do. I kissed his hands, his forehead, and his toes. And I sang. Within a few minutes, his heavy eyes gave way and he snuggled close to my chest surely listening to each beat of my heart.

I watched him, amazed by how much he has grown. Wanting to remember every feature of his face in my memory. Thanking him silently for helping me to realize that sometimes, we must slow down and take life one moment at a time. For it's moments like this that are gone in an instant. Moments that all too soon will be nothing more than a distant memory.

Have you cuddled your child today?