Today has been an irritating day. There really is no one reason why. I’m just irritated by every single thing! It doesn’t matter what someone says or does. Heck, they can just look at me wrong and it sets me off. I hate it when I have days like this. It makes the day longer and more exhausting than most other days.
As I sit here watching Hopkins, it is making me question myself for wanting to work in the medical field. I watch as parents face a premature birth, resulting in losing their child shortly after due to complications. Later, they show a child, likely near the age of my oldest son, that collapses while playing basketball. Unfortunately, he too passes away. And now, a premature 3 month old is brought in for possible SBS. (Shaken Baby Syndrome). Head injuries, broken ribs, and obvious trauma. Oh how I hope I am never faced with any of these situations once I’m working, even if it is unrealistic to think I could avoid such tragedies. I fully understand that in medicine, there is life and there is death. It’s a harsh reality of life. One we all must face. I also know that in medicine, there are miracles. Miracles that are unexplainable. I can only hope that there will be more miracles in my experiences than heartache.
Having taken the summer off from school has been very helpful in preserving what sanity I may have left. However, it has also reminds me that I still am so very close yet so far away from reaching my dreams. I had that harsh reality planted before my face today. I made a trip to the college I’ve been attending after seeing a “suspension” placed on my account. I had no idea why there was an issue as I’m in good academic standing with no fear of a GPA issue. After getting there, I was informed that I had earned “too many credits without a degree.” I explained to them that I have earned two already but since I wasn’t in the Nursing program, they had me change my program to a General Associates. Since I’ve already obtained that, and still not in the program, I now have to file an appeal in order to receive additional funding for my education. I then told them that I would be transferring to another college because I wasn’t waiting any longer to get into their program. I now have to check with the new college to see if this is going to be an issue with them as well. Just another reminder that I’m still without the degree I’ve been working so hard to get. It’s quite frustrating.
Is this the degree I’m suppose to be pursuing? Or am I chasing after a dream that isn’t meant to be? I feel, deep in my heart, that my calling is to be a nurse. I feel it in my heart, my soul, my bones. But perhaps I’m wrong. Maybe I’m not suppose to be a nurse. How do I know? When will I know? How much more time do I invest before I finally give up a dream I’ve been trying to fulfill for so long just to choose something else that in my heart (at this point) doesn’t feel right. I’m simply overwhelmed at what I’m suppose to be searching for. What I’m suppose to be doing. What is right. What is my calling. Where I should be. Tonight, I feel completely confused.
I have registered for my fall classes. Hopefully the financial aid information will reach the appropriate people and be granted at the right time. I’ll be starting classes in less than three weeks and am dependant solely on the student loans for my education. I have some things that I need to accomplish before my applications are due. I’m submitting the Respiratory application by August 31 and the Nursing application by October 1. I am hoping that I will be accepted into one or the other program and begin in January. If I get a denial for the nursing program for the third time, I don’t know what I’ll do. Please, send some strength vibes my way. I need them.
On a side note, today was the day our house was to go up for auction. Neither of us could bring ourselves to go and see what it went for.
I'll leave you with that for now. Off to wrestle a two year old who took a very late cat nap and won't sleep now. Arghhh....
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