As if my heart wasn't hurting enough....
There will be no Nursing Program for me!
I was denied, yet again!
I just can't comphrend this! To say my heart isn't broken would be a lie!
I swear, if I wasn't surrounded by kids right now, I'd break down and cry. I'm so over EVERYTHING. I just don't know what to do anymore.
IS this my calling or am I just pushing towards a pipe dream? Three times. Three times of applying and getting booted. Several applications for employment and yet none of them come back with a job opportunity. "We're impressed with your qualifications; however someone else has fit the job description better."
I seriously have to wonder what in the world my future holds for me because it obviously isn't working out in my favor.
I know I need to trust in Him. I know that he has a plan and that He knew that I wouldn't get in this time. I sit here, reading "Footprints" that I have next to my computer. Is that what drew me to buy this plaque just a week ago? Because He knew I was getting this letter and would be ready to give up? And the tears start to flow...
I'm sick of feeling like a failure. I'm tired of feeling like I'm doing nothing but letting my husband carry my weight. I want to be MORE than just a MOM. I want to contribute, to achieve something, to feel needed for much more than a diaper change or homework help. I want to make a difference. And yet, each time I try, I feel like I'm pushing us deeper and deeper into a dark hole that we can't crawl back out. Thousands in student loans for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is sickening. I seriously just can't comphrend for the LIFE of me WHY I can't seem to get there. To be so damn close and not able to grab it is disheartening. The grades are good, the desire is there and yet....I wait.
Oh Lord, Please give me the sign that I need to hold onto hope and reapply next term. I'm slipping....quickly slipping away and yet so desperately want to grab ahold and stay. You promised, "I would never leave you. During your times of trial, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
Lord, I hope those are your footprints I see because I've fallen to my knees.
6 years ago
5 comments:
Read your email, Bec. I've left you a lil message. Chin up!
I was listening to Will Smith on the Oprah show the other day (I have watched Oprah maybe 4 times in past year) and he was speaking about how everything is a circle of life. We are born (or something is born in us) and then we live and then we die (or that something in us dies or the window/door closes) and instead of us seeing it as being over and done, we must be ready for the next part/phase which is the "rebirth" and what is coming next.
You are experiencing a lot of deaths and closings right now. I'm praying that you'll be open to what is upon you and be able to recognize the opportunities available to you and what is going to be part of that rebirth within your self and your family.
And Becky - NO education is EVER wasted.
I could feel my heartstrings being tugged by your desires of who you want to be - I remember walking in those shoes and how I changed my path and how wonderfully fullfilling it has been for me.
Here's to your journey of rebirth and that next phase.
Hugs,
Honey, you know better then anyone that he never gives you more then you can handle.
Where he closes one door another one will open, for example the letting go of your house opened the door for the place you live now with a landlord who didn't care about your past.
Your sign to keep pushing forward is the heart you have for this profession. You my dear are made for this and though your not a nurse yet your a better nurse then many I've seen and I've worked/seen a lot of them through the years.
Your heart is endless and you give so much more then you think you do. I see as being much more then a nurse and if I could convince you to push through med school I would. This feild needs more people like you and God knows that.
Keep your head up and your heart open, when the time is right it will happen as supposed to in HIS plan.
I agree with everyone else. It is not uncommon here to apply for nursing school five or six times before you get in. My neighbor was just denied - her gpa was like 3.8 or 3.9, she had a pre-med background and she was still denied. I don't know why they make it so flippin hard to get in.
And, you are right, He knows his plan for you. We don't always have to understand it, or even like it, but He's got it. It will be laid out for you soon. Keep your chin up.
I'm so sorry Becky. But don't give up. I do believe that it will come to you when the time is right. Keep thinking positive thoughts!
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