Things here are quite stressful right now. The move is still ongoing. It's nice to have time on our side but that too is slowly drawing to a close. They have a sale date set already for the house. It doesn't leave us much time to finish getting the items we need to get.
I'm beginning to feel the flood of emotions wash over me. I can't go through the kids' things without feeling my heart break and tears fill my eyes. It's becoming very emotional for me. The last few trips to the house have been difficult and ended quicker than I had expected. I find myself walking room to room, looking at what once was and asking myself where it all went wrong. Usually our time is spent with me cramming as much into boxes and bags as fast as I can just so I can get out of there before the emotions get the better of me. The pond has seen lots of tears as it's the place I escape to when I feel the tears coming. It's amazing how soothing it can be to watch the fish race to the food you throw out there. I'll have to get a video tape of it before we're done there.
The past few days have been incredibly difficult. All of the things that have been packed away have surfaced and are taking over my entire house. It's beyond frusterating! Yesterday, we had two trailer loads full when the hubby saw that it was time for him to leave. This left a friend, the kids, and myself to unload the trailers. By the time we were done, we had filled the entire dining room, livingroom, and kitchen with boxes and bags. We had nothing but a path through the house. No place to sit, cook, or eat. Standing in my house, completely surrounded by clutter, was enough to bring me to tears. Thankfully, our dear friends invited the kids and I over and fixed us supper.
Today, I worked nearly 9 hours straight on unpacking, repacking, pitching, and sorting. I am exhausted physically and mentally. I have lost all patience and am slowly losing hope. You see, this wouldn't all be so overwhelming if the hubby didn't have to keep every single thing he has ever had in his entire life! And not only are these his things, but also those of his parents, grandparents, great grandparents, siblings, and everything dating back to his childhood. If it can be fit into a collection, he has it. And if you think I'm exaggerating, I'm not!
My problem is this: We are a family of seven. I have the items from five children and myself that I, alone, am having to pack, unpack, sort, pitch, etc. The husband, who finds nothing wrong with having so much stuff, has more things than the other six of us combined. And I'm talking at least three times more. As I'm surrounded by clutter today, he tells me that he is going to mow lawn. Why? Because it had to be done. This left me, again, to try to unpack.
I'm trying, very very hard, to be understanding. But honestly, this is a huge problem. We still have an entire two car garage completely full to bring here. I have no clue where we will put it. We have no garage at the new house. The old milk house is already full of his stuff. The other outdoor shed is full of his stuff. Our entire walk in closet and 1/2 of the closet upstairs is full of his stuff. And he has another area out back that is full of his stuff as well. When I say "his" stuff, it's just that. His! His motto is, "If I can use it before I die, I'm saving it." I'm completely serious! Ask those that have helped us move so far. When he finally finds something he can part with, he asks the boys if they want it. I'm starting to think that he does it on purpose because he knows that they are exactly like him.
I sit here tonight, frusterated. I love my husband very much. I just can't deal with this over abundance of clutter. Everything is a treasure of some kind to him. Hubcaps, anything that is an antique, fire fighter stuff, tractor stuff, old matchbooks, spoons, coins, cards, papers, books, letters, pictures, tools, clocks, furniture, mugs, glasses, and the list goes on! When will it stop?
Last week, we had a huge battle over his family heirlooms. When we moved, I wanted to bring my computer desk, my two book shelves, and the three cabinets with doors (two tall, one short). These are all useable, sturdy, and child-friendly. He didn't want to bring the desk because it was too big and heavy. (A friend and I took it apart and moved it here ourselves!) He didn't want the bookshelves because they were "cheap". He brought one of the tall cabinets and then destroyed it, leaving it in pieces. He had put it on carpet, didn't shim it and it fell over, breaking the corner off of my hope chest and putting a hole in the door of the cabinet. By the time I got home, the cabinet was in several pieces in the yard. That's when he told me the other one wasn't coming here!
It was about that time that I lost my patience! With every home, I've watched it fill up with his stuff. They've never been decorated really, just filled with things that he enjoys. And now, the new house is turning out that way too. The built in shelves are lined with all of his treasures (wait, I do have one mug on them). He has a bookshelf that isn't really sturdy enough to hold anything and is very unappealing to the eye, yet he insists on keeping it because it's a family treasure. (I shoved it in
I'm happy to report that one particular heirloom (the china cabinet) is currently on it's way to Arizona with his sister!
I'm sorry for the rant. I'm very stressed out and completely overwhelmed right now. I'll update later in the week if all goes well.
Thinking of you all,
-B
1 comment:
marraige is supposed to be a partnership. In order for that partnership to run at maximum effectiveness - there must be give and take on both sides at all times.
Sounds like he is a natural packrat so regardless of what is happening in his life or the life of your family, he is a hoarder because of perceived emotional ties to these things.
Add to that natural tendency his feelings of shame/guilt/regret/whatever of the reasons behind having to move and it magnifies the situation into a problem times 10.
The time for "hinting" that he needs to release some of this is passed. I believe that you can do this without fighting. This is a factual, non-emotional event. He has too much stuff - no matter what it is and where it came from. He is preventing his family from living "stuff free" in his own home.
Everyone has made sacrifices, including him. However, NOW it is his turn to make a decision about what goes.....everyone cut what they brought. now it is time for him to do the same.
It's come to the point where if he chooses to hoard all that stuff, he may be choosing those "things" over the people that he is supposed to love the most.
We own things. We love people. He needs to get on board. There is no other way.
That's just my opinion. He needs to grow up.
Do you think that some of your friends could talk to him because he obviously isn't hearing what you are pleading with him about?
Otherwise, I'd take a picture of all that shit and send it to as many of those de cluttering shows as you can find.
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