Let it settle upon you...

Tonight I am reminded yet again, how wonderfully blessed I am. My life is so rich and rewarding. I am grateful for my honest, generous, sincere, loving friends. I am touched by the kindness, support and thoughtfulness of those I once considered aquaintances and have since become a much bigger part of my life. I am surrounded by amazing, uplifting and unconditional loving family. I am the Mother of five loving, respectful, honest miracles who have fufilled my life in more ways than they will ever realize. Yet, above all, I am reminded that I am safe in His arms, walking the path He laid before me and becoming the person He intended me to be. I am loved by Him and I am thankful.

It is another evening of chasing sheep in my mind. They promise if I count enough of them, I will drift off into a peaceful slumber. Instead; however, I lay here wide awake. I think. I smile. I giggle. I cry. I let every thought race through my head that possibly could and then wonder why I'm still wide awake. I'm certain some of you can relate to my dilemma.

So, here I am, wide awake, sitting in the middle of my bed. The hum of the fan being overpowered by the soft instrumental sounds that are being played on the tv. Every now and then I hear one of the children speaking in their sleep, an occassional cough or what sounds like they are in a wrestling match with their blankets. Just ten minutes ago, I was startled by the sound of someone screaming. I ran to their room where I found Jacob sitting up in the middle of his bed with a look of sheer terror on his face. His only word was, "Mom?" It was obvious that he was having some type of anxiety in his dream and was looking for reassurance that I was there. It touched my heart that he called out for me and at the same time, it hurts to think that he has something on his mind that is causing him to feel anxious or afraid. I sat on his bed, spoke to him briefly, reminded him that I was right there and that I loved him. I brought him a bottle of water and tucked him back into bed.

I returned to bed and began to pray.

Lord, why must my children hurt? Why must their innocent hearts feel the pain that nobody should ever have to feel, especially the heart of a child. Why must I feel so helpless, unable to protect their hearts from being broken? My whole goal in life is to protect, nurture, guide and of course love my children unconditionally. I understand that life is painful. I know in order to grow, gain knowledge and become a better person that we must overcome pain that is showered down upon us in life. Even though I understand this, I certainly don't like it. I feel helpless at times. My heart hurts when I can't take the pain my children are feeling and place it on my own heart. So I ask you to please help lessen any pain their tender hearts must carry. Please comfort them when I am unable to do so. Please protect and watch over them. Please guide them, allowing them to make the mistakes in order to gain insight and knowledge that will benefit them in their lives. Please steer them away from making choices that would prove to be detrimental to themselves or others around them. Please allow them to have an open mind and a loving, giving heart that thinks about others. And finally, please allow them to understand and feel that their Mother loves them unconditionally just as you do. In your name, Amen.

It now approaches the 0400 hour and my heart feels slightly lighter even though my mind still feels boggled and weighed down. The kids seem to be resting peacefully and that allows a peace to settle over me. I never expected to love someone as much as I love these five children. I am so thankful that I was given that gift. I couldn't imagine my life any other way!

Blessings to each of you, my friends. May your hearts be as full of love as mine is.