Love! What a magical, inspirational, glorified word. Some say it too often without meaning while others say it too little. Some give it unconditionally and freely and others well, not so much.
Truly, what IS love? I thought I knew. I was certain it was LOVE I had felt. I was sincere in expressing it. It was expressed several times a day in both actions and words. I was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, in LOVE. And so...I married. After 18 years together and 14 years of marriage, my love was no longer enough. My LOVE never faded but somewhere along the way, someone else pulled away and started putting LUST in it's place.
And so I ask you, What is Love?
Is it a word you throw around freely? Is it something you say out of habit? Are you mistaking "Love" for what is indeed LUST?
Here are a few different views on LOVE...
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." - Sophocles
Quite the opposite, in my opinion. Love Hurts! If you truly LOVE, you will never be able to walk away from it so freely.
"Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed." - John Tarrant
I must agree with this as actions speak louder than words. This goes for every relationship you encounter. That in which involves your children, your friends, your family, your significant other, etc.
"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." - Dorothy Parker
Again, so very true.
"Love is friendship set on fire." - unknown
True...so true!
"Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside." - Margaret Walker
True...until your heart is broken.
"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks
Again, actions speak louder than words!
Evualate your life. Are you mistaking Love for Lust? Have you ever really loved someone? Define love as it pertains to you.
May you each find true long term love.
Second comes Marriage
Marriage felt right for me. I truly thought I had found *the* one that I would spend the rest of my life with. I remember the day well, proposing in the way that you did, even after the failed attempt previously. After dating for over 4 years, we finally took the plunge and married. At 18 and 20 years old, we heard it all. "This will never last."
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin
In 1995, we were wed.
In 1996, I went back to work, we became pregnant.
In 1997, we bought our first home, had our first child and I encouraged your move to become a firefighter.
In 1998, we struggled with infertility I went back to work and lost a loved one.
In 1999, we became pregnant again and lost several loved ones.
In 2000, we welcomed our second child, I encouraged you on a new job offer, struggled without insurance.
In 2001, we welcomed our third child.
In 2002, School years were beginning for the children...
In 2003, we welcomed our fourth child and bought our second home.
In 2004, A new year faced after learning of the infidelity.
In 2005, we became pregnant again
In 2006, we welcomed our fifth and final child.
In 2007, child bearing years were over.
In 2008, we moved to our third home
In 2009, you broke your family after breaking your vows over and over years ago and till the present.
"It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced." - anonymous quote
Over the years...
I encouraged you in your endevors
I supported you in your decisions
I struggled along with you when things seemed impossible to face.
I gave you my attention, my heart, my soul and my word
I laughed with you, at you, together.
I loved you unconditionally
I praised you for who you were to friend, family and to the world.
I lived every day for my children, my marriage, yet letting ME disappear.
I learned to live, laugh, love and enjoy life for ME which meant letting YOU go.
So now, I wish you a peaceful journey. You and you alone will now be faced with what was, what could have been, and what you threw away.
May your journey be a learning experience for you filled with self discovery. I'm discovering more and more of myself each and every day!
Third comes babies in a baby carriage
“Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” - Dr. Haim Ginott
My children are MY life. I can't possibly imagine life without them. They joy that radiates from their faces, the loud belly laughs, the love that they share and their innocence. I love every little thing about them.
“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them” - Oscar Wilde
I am blessed to be the Mother of five angels who left this world too soon and five children who I am blessed to share each day with.
"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." -Elizabeth Stone
It was my first wedding anniversary when we discovered that I was expecting. Excitement filled the air as well as the months that led to the delivery of my first child, a son. Complications filled the last several weeks of my pregnancy. Bedrest wasn't helping the climbing blood pressure. At 36 weeks 6 days, the blinding effects of the "worst headache" I had ever encountered surfaced. At the hospital with only my insurance card and drivers license, I was informed that my blood pressure had surfaced to dangerous levels and they would be taking the baby. Jacob, born 3 weeks early, joined the world at a whopping 6lb 9oz.
Many months of trying followed by numerous tests, surgeries, and visits to infertility specialists were the next step. Trying to become pregnant with child #2 was not in my favor. Seventeen months later, I was pregnant with #2.
My second pregnancy started off rough and only led to a more difficult pregnancy. By 5 weeks, I had begun to bleed and was placed on bedrest. This continued until week 17, when yet another hospital visit led to a diagnosis. Partial Placental abrution. I was told to plan a funeral rather than for a delivery. It didn't look good. I told to continue bedrest and not lift a finger as doing anything even as light as vacuuming would cause the pregnancy to end. Devastation set in as well as determination. I was placed on medications to stop contractions, bedrest continued and the weeks slowly went by. At 29 weeks, I went into labor. Several rounds of Mag Sulfate, hospital bedrest, Betamethosome injections to develop lung maturity, more meds and even more determination kept me pregnant. I would NOT let my body fail me now. Five weeks early, Austin was born. Weighing a whopping 6lb 13 oz, he was healthy!
Life seemed great! I was blessed with two fantastic children yet still longed to have a daughter. Little did we know, just five months later, we would be pregnant again. A fall down the steps resulted in a little life lost too soon. Pure devistation!
Only ten months after our second child was born, we found out we were expecting again. As if it were going to follow the last pregnancy, complications ensued. Countless trips to the hospital for meds, fluids, bedrest, and testing followed. Premature labor threatened us and eventually my water broke seven weeks early. I was hospitalized, told I would be in the hospital for the next 7 weeks. My heart broke. How could that happen? I had two toddlers home that NEEDED me. I developed a uterine infection which caused me to have to deliver her for her safety. Katelyn was born six weeks early weighing in at a mere 4lb 6oz. She was wisked off to the RNICU where she spent five long days in the there. Leaving the hospital with empty arms is almost unbearable. She was discharged only to have to return due to menigitis. She was again hospitalized for a week.
As everything started to settle down, life seemed to be falling into place. More heartbreak followed as another angel was lost January 9th and Mothers Day of the same year. I was blessed but still had an empty space in my heart as I thought about my precious children who were taken too soon.
Soon we learned we were pregnant again. Just as previous pregnancies, this one didn't give me a break. Started off with bleeding, medications, and bedrest. At 16 weeks, a cerclage was placed to stitch the cervix closed. Surely this would work. It had to. Each day was a gift and one more day to the birth of a healthy child. Again, premature labor followed by many weeks in the hospital. When oral meds wouldn't do it, we went to IV meds delivered at home. I was willing to do whatever it took. Stabbing yourself with a needle, middle of the night Med changes, and lying in the bed to gain another day was what I did in order to save my child. Nine weeks early, my water broke. Again, I was hospitalized. The cerclage was removed and I was told I'd be spending the next 9 weeks on complete bedrest in the hospital. Our little fighter would have nothing like that going on. Eight weeks early, Emilee was born weighing only 4lb 4oz. She was fighting from the beginning. Again, she was rushed to the RNICU where she would be aided to breathe. Again, I left the hospital with empty arms. Devisted! Emilee spent ten days in the hospital before I was able to bring her home.
We felt complete! We had defied the risks and had four healthy children. Promises were made that he would go have the surgery. Months followed and another two angels were created yet lost too soon. My heart couldn't comphrend this.
I remember it vividly. July 4, 2005. I had just enrolled in college to finish my dreams. We had gotten rid of all the infant clothing and items, donating them to a local shelter. Everything was falling into place. And then... the classic signs of feeling pregnant surfaced. When those two little lines appeared, I knew that the signs were a reality. We were pregnant AGAIN! And so, just as the other pregnancies progressed with complications, this one was no exception. We began it with bleeding, a cerclage placement and moved on to premature labor, medications and soon to follow was a case of mag sulfate. Premature labor occurred at 23 weeks in which they were able to stop. More medications, home IVs and hospital bedrest were the routine. Contractions couldn't be halted and a trip to the hospital followed. More mag sulfate which would not stop the labor this time caused a transfer to another more well equipped hospital with a RNICU. Once there, the cerclage was removed and I was told delivery would follow soon after. Imagine their surprise when it stopped!! A few more days to keep the baby safe was the only thing I could think about. And so, after some more bedrest, we were sent off to wait. Seven weeks early, my water broke. I went to the hospital and was informed that an emergency c-section was needed. I was whisked off to the OR where my precious son was born 7 weeks early followed by a second surgery to tie my tubes. Jonathon was born weighing in at 5lb 1oz and was whisked off to the RNICU. A third trip to the RNICU as a parent is devastating. After 14 very long days and nights, Jonathon was able to come home.
This time, our family was complete.
Again, promises were made and not followed through with.
Sixteen months later, masses were found which resulted in a full hysterectomy at only 30 years old. It was certain now that my days of bearing anymore biological children were over.
It was time to be thankful, grateful and enjoy the five precious children that were here with me. And so, that is what I did. I put my children first, not only when I was carrying them but from everyday since. I would do anything for my children.
If you ever allow anything or anyone to come between you and your children, you are a fool. Children are a gift from above, always.
"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life." -Maureen Hawkins
To my children,
I have loved you from the moment I knew you were created.
I have always placed you first, above all others.
I will guide you along the paths of life.
If ever you have a question, I will answer honestly.
When you are sad, my arms are here to hold you.
When you are scared, I will comfort and protect you.
When you are hurting, I will do everything in my power to lessen the pain.
I will be here, always and forever for each of you.
I love you, my precious children. Each and every day of my life. May the Lord be with anyone who tries to come between us.
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